Relationship Advice

Perhaps the thoughts of my last three wives?

But .... to continue .... Some humor perhaps, some advice too .....

The other day I posted my status on Facebook which I often do:

Recap of the past 24 hours. 

Click on "Read more" if you wish to .... read more ;)

As some of you are aware, I was dumped by a Russian ballet dancer when I picked spending time with the homeless of skid row rather than her. 

I went to a big BBQ where Dan Boul forced me to eat even when I told him I had dinner plans. 

I missed being able to attend the Mark Knopfler show at the Wiltern because I am attending a family dinner in Monrovia where I will be the only non-Hispanic person in the house. .... and I will have the snot beat out of me when "the gringo" is not able to eat what my friend's mom cooked as a nice family dinner. 

So, if you don't hear from me tomorrow and my body is found in the bed of a rusted red 62 Chevy pickup truck remember ... 

Jeff Lund gets my Strat

Dan Boul gets the white Tele

Rick Benson gets the 335

Consider this a binding legal document, perhaps a Facebook first, unless superceeded in the future  

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A few comments came in.  One was from a friend I have known for three decades, the man who was photographer at two of my three weddings and the man who introduced me to my third wife:

A few questions: 1. do you miss your Russian? 2. Which side of your family is Hispanic? And is this why you like Mexican food so much? Donde esta su corazon? And 3. Is there any mention in your will for your guns and your other girlfriend? Because I would like both...
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Joe -

1. I did not have time to miss her. She already apologized to me. I think it was less an issue of the homeless and more an issue that I was busy with somebody else last week working on a record.

2. None of my family is Hispanic. One side is from Russia and the other side from England. Both my parents were born in Los Angeles so I suppose in some way I may be considered Hispanic? I don't speak Spanish (just a little, a few disgusting phrases). The reason I like Mexican food is ... well, I just do.

The dinner was not my family it was Gabriela's family. I was able to wait a bit until I could eat and then took small portions and moved them around a lot on the plate. It was tasty but I did not eat much.

3. No mention of my guns as I am from the camp that uses the phrase ... you will have to pry them from my cold dead fingers.

As far as you taking on "the other girlfriend" - you would have to make a few changes in your life.  This is also general relationship advice :)

(1) Quit your job so you can go out anytime, stay out to any hour and not have to wake up until you want to rather than have to.  Well, this may not be practical in most cases.  I guess this comes under the heading of ... you don't want to wake up in the hospital when you are 80+ dying from nothing more than old age.  Live life at 105%.  That in itself is attractive.

(2) Get rid of the expensive car or at least don't make it a part of your life that defines who you may be trying to project you may be. All of my friends have at least one thing they share; a dislike for men than are too wrapped up in their cars or too wrapped up in their work.  They are busy trying to get where they want to be in their career. Some seem to prefer folks that have already gotten to where they want to be and are happy where they are.

(3) Support them in building their life so they can be what they want to be. Support their dreams and goals.  If they are in an acting, singing or performing role be complimentary but be honest.  As an example, if they want to sing but have nothing special or cannot sing tell them.  If they get upset and show you the door you are better off than being around somebody who is depressed and angry from the rejection they will continually receive if the talent is not there.

Be there for them when they need a break from their work or life.

Be an asset, not one more annoying detail in their life they have to pay attention to or deal with.  They want you to pay attention to them and if you have issues than you cannot do that as effectively.

(4) (This step is optional) Compliment them on their outfit.  Change plans based on their outfit with the phrase: "I had planned dinner before the show at (xxxx - wherever) but you look so nice I think we will go somewhere a bit more upscale".  I am not trying to be glib here.  What I am saying is look for more than what is right in front of you and push the envelope when offering a compliment.  Use it as a catalyst to do a bit more than what she (or he if you are in West Hollywood) expects.

(5) Support the bad habits they might have. You are probably not going to spend the rest of your life with them so if they drink profusely, act insane, spend more than they make shopping ... it's not your problem. Just be there to take them out to offer comfort and buy dinner the night after their credit card bill arrives in the mail.

(6) This might sound dated or old school but .... never let them pay for any part of the evening.

(7) Go to any event where they are performing.

Hmmm.... this is damn good advice. I may copy and paste it into a facebook note. I help folks with amps, maybe this will help with some relationships?

P.S. (optional).  This may not be applicable to everybody but it seems to work for me. :)

Take them to shows, plays, concerts, gallery openings, Leno, Kimmel, and events where you are on the guest list or working the event.  Introduce them to the performers.  Take them to the green room and have them eat dinner with the cast and crew before the show.  If folks are going out after the show and you are invited and can bring your companion always go.  During an event you are working:  Let them sit on the monitor console or FOH console with you during the show and move some of the faders (especially the unused ones or muted ones).  If they are models and you have contacts in casting leverage your contacts to their advantage to give them better odds in getting the gig.  If they have talent want to be in the music business become their producer and supply studio resources and your talent, skill set and contacts for them.   Rather than be like most folks and just go to a movie, take them to Todd AO or somewhere where a movie is being scored so they can see the movie in progress of being made.  (I learned this myself when I was a teenager and my uncle Maurice was the VP of 20th Century Fox.  I was able to take my girlfriend to watch them film the original TV Batman series and drive them around the lot in the original Bat Mobile).  Take them to closed rehearsals at Center Staging or Third Encore where the crew will generally make them the center of attention and more often than not so will the performers. ;)