In the last few weeks I have had a number of friends approach me on this same subject. Is the divorce rate higher than ever? Is it the stress of the economy? Do people think that things will be less stressful if they change some aspect of their life such as get rid of somebody in their life? Is it a sense of entitlement that tells somebody it is acceptable to leave somebody that is a part of their life because their own happiness is what is truly important even over the hurt of others? I don't know but I do ask myself questions and make my own observations.
Feel free to copy and paste this and send it along to quitters and folks you probably know that this may be a perfect fit for this topic. Lord knows there are a lot of them out there that fit this quite well.
Maybe it is because I have gone though a few divorces and some folks feel that I can help them make sense of things? People come to me for advice or to just unload on me. I am happy to try to help but hell ... I don't have the answers either.
Today I was talking to somebody who was leaving their partner for another. They were trying to explain to me why their new partner was just right for them. Maybe they wanted me to give them some sort of OK? I have no idea but this did touch a nerve ... actually a lot of them.
Chicken or Fish ?
I suppose that the downside of having a workable level of intelligence with an engineering mindset may cause one to have a proclivity toward over analyzing things. Add the trait of being observant and the downside is magnified.
I have many friends that have left their partner or who have been left by their partner. Many of you are in my friends on facebook. I have had long phone conversations with many of you as well when you were trying to make sense of it all. Bottom line ... don't try to make sense as it makes no sense, follows no logic and generally one of the people in the couple who are having the problems is close minded, insane, blind to logic and reason because they have a number of problems and I will try to point out just one of them now.
In almost every case of one person leaving another, the one who had left found some sort of perfect being walking the planet. This person can do no wrong. They are everything their past partner was not. In some cases the companion WAS the reason one person left the other. The new person does not have the faults or bad traits of the prior partner. What a load of crap. They say marriage and relationships are work. I realize that in many cases the work is not worth the effort for many folks. Being one of two people in a part time relationship is not much work. It is easy. There is little confrontation.
Perhaps I am just observant and perhaps I question things such as what one of my friends once said as he was leaving his wife .... "she does not climb mountains with me". Uhhh ... maybe because you were working 75 hours a week building a business and the rest of your free time you were off bicycle racing? When you did come home and she asked you to do something you felt she was nagging you or she did not understand you. You fucking jerk.
I know more than a few more folks who found this wonderful person out there... the person who was all that their partner never was. Well people ... think about this....
It is really quite easy to be charming when there is nothing on the line as far as confrontational or difficult decisions. Hang out with your sweetheart and try to really see what is actually going on:
"I cannot decide whether to have the chicken or fish. It both looks so good" says Mary. Ed replies; "why don't we get both and share?" "Oh Ed, you are so wonderful". Fuck you Ed. Fuck you Mary. I hope you both choke on fish bones.
Only in a dream or drug induced haze. Perhaps vast quantities of alcohol?
Ed is playing the game here and not showing his true colors. He may have wanted ribs but he was just walking that safe path in hope of getting to the next question later in the evening .... Ed to Mary; "do you want to be on top"? Mary in her own mind ... "I love how caring and sensitive Ed when it comes to my feelings". To both of you dumb asses ... there is NO wrong answer here. Ed will always shine in Mary's eyes.
Paul asks Rhonda; "Which of those two movies do you want to see? It seems they are both playing at the same theater at the same time" Ronda; "Oh Paul, you always know the best places to go to make me happy".
Dianne and Jay just had a wonderful week touring the wine country. The vacation was shear perfection. .... Because .... they were both interested in the wine country, they both wanted to go there and they only see each other on occasion. They do not live together or solve problems ... real problems together.
Matt and Carol are a real couple. They make choices like what should they do now that one of them has lost their job? How do they come up with money for property tax? How do we pay the electric bill? Susie has to go to the doctor but we no longer have insurance. What should we cut out when we go to the market next week? Not a life of glamour. Not a life even worthy of a bad reality TV series.
The weak crack. The self absorbed crack. The selfish crack. They all run. They all quit. They come up with reasons why they left which when examined, even at a distance are flawed. Their reason for their current bliss is rooted in how another understands them so much better than their partner. More bullshit.
Try doing something such as the following with that wonderful person that understands you, that person that is such a great fit. Each day for a few months ask them to do something for you. Pick up dry cleaning. Pick up something at the market. Go to work and bring home money to pay bills. Ask them to pick them up from some location and when you arrive it helps if you show up thirty minutes after they arrive. If they get upset they must be at fault because somebody so perfect would just let it slide. No? Try this for about three months and see if that person is still perfect. Perhaps she or he is but I think that you would either have had some differences or one of the two of you has honed their ability of apathy to a fine new level. Stop comparing somebody you left to somebody you spend the good times of your life with but never the hard times or the times that are part of everyday real life.
It is hard for me to comprehend how easily people can accept this self generated narrow vision and buy into this nonsense. I suppose that there are a lot of people out there who do not have simple powers of the most basic observation. These people let their internal protective mechanisms lead their lives, make their decisions and use these things to justify hurting others who were once so important in their lives.
Feel free to pass this along to somebody you know. I would bet that you all know at least one person that is may fit. I bet many of you have a specific face come to mind?
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